NINA’S STORY – 2
`Now I am the one driving, I am not just the passenger in my own life!
letting go of the disabling effects of a serious road accident in childhood
Nina grew up in a war-torn country. Its population was subjected to invasion, occupation and brutality. From a very young age, multiple layers of trauma were laid down in her, creating strong PTSD effects and locking her mind into the past. We have already seen how Nina was able to release the trauma of witnessing a massacre at 18 months of age in NINA’S STORY 1, an event she had no conscious memory of and which her family had never told her about. After our session, her brother confirmed her account of what she had relived. Here we find her at 12 years of age, returning alone by bus to her home town after visiting relatives who lived some distance away. The journey was cut short by a serious crash in which several lost their lives, and Nina was trapped in the wreckage for some time. She had vivid but fragmented conscious memory of this accident.
When I first met Nina as a grown woman, she was highly anxious, suffering from degrees of both agoraphobia and claustrophobia. She had lived for many years in the UK by this point, but was so full of fear and anxiety she seemed almost ghost-like, going through the motions of everyday life. It would be hard to imagine a warmer, more vibrant and strong personality than Nina is today!
The crash came up in one of her sessions, and Nina revealed that she never went anywhere she could not reach on foot, having an aversion to any form of public transport. If she absolutely had to travel, she went by car or taxi. This limited her life severely, but she worked around it and brought up her children despite it. We worked with her conscious memories of the event immediately using various techniques. She became extremely agitated as she related what she could remember. I took her back into a trance state and she began to re-experience what happened in detail:
Two people died and the driver, who had been drinking and was driving too fast, was seriously hurt. The road was climbing and on a bend and the bus was hit by a lorry coming down and then hit again by a lorry travelling behind the bus. Nina was knocked unconscious and remained trapped on the bus after everyone else had managed to get off. She recalled waking to find people shouting to her to come to a window where she was pulled out. She remembered feeling lost, walking around calling for her mother.
On the way to having her head and other injuries was treated, she was unable to remember her address. She could not walk and had to be carried. A radio reporter happened to record her speaking about the accident, and the segment was broadcast on the news that day. That is how her family found out what had happened and came to get her.
We located and released the trauma energy and resultant negative trance state she had been shocked into. At the end of the session, Nina felt the experience had been powerful and helpful. When I saw her a week later, Nina had already shifted: she reported now ‘feeling connected with being on the earth’, and a few days after the session realised she had stopped obsessing about things being out of place and needing to tidy up all the time. the next day she left the house deliberately messy! She reported feelings of opening up, “feeling ‘big’, not having to shrink away”.
“I feel in a much better place. I was feeling so low in myself. I wanted to do things but did not know how to. I was asleep, things were flat. Now I am the one driving: I am not just the passenger in my life!”
We went back to the memory of the crash, and Nina (who by now had trained as a spiritual healer) gave healing to the whole area and the souls of those who died. She saw them passing through the cloud of healing and smiling at her.
The following year, Nina had the first opportunity to visit her home country for many years. This had been difficult because of her phobia about travel but although the security situation remained tense, she resolved to go to visit her mother. On previous visits she had avoided the route of that traumatic day, and was highly anxious at even the thought of driving past. Then she arrived and found she needed to make the same journey. She had already made a bus trip to Brighton with her son’s school which had gone OK. She realised she had lost the feeling of apprehension and got straight into the bus with no bad feelings at all. The accident, she said, was not even in her mind.
As the bus neared the fatal bend, she noticed herself feeling feelings which were uplifting and positive. She did not feel sad or anxious, but instead:
“I felt relief, beautiful feelings, I was smiling and feeling joy in my heart”
She asked the driver to stop on the bend (safely!) having explained what had happened to her there and her need to tread that ground again. The other passengers waited, some admittedly more patiently than others.
“It was OK. Rather than being a sad place, it was more like a reunion with a friend who got left behind”
When I expressed surprise at this reaction, she said that she realised she had released that trauma. Before she had feared to pass or even think about the place. She walked around and sat on the hillside and realised the place had only been a witness to what happened.
“It was the first time since the accident that my feet trod the same ground since the accident. All that had now washed away. I had no fear in getting off the bus. I walked with pride, I had made it, I was not attached to that past any more. I felt grounded and completely free. The young me was released as well. I feel grateful for the experience, it completely changed my life and now I have completed the circle and reconnected with the young me that I was before that day”
Nina described how before the accident she had been top of her class, and a confident and independent spirit. After the accident, she had amnesia, and her school work slipped. She could not concentrate and lost motivation. The security situation led soon after to her having to stop school. Next she joined the freedom fighters at the age of 13, but that is a whole different story!
Nina told me later that she had brought a small rock back from the accident site which she keeps at home.
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